Well, I think there’s an assumption behind the mentality of writing one’s own vows that is really dangerous to marriage. And the assumption is that the wedding is a celebration of the couple’s love. So, in the wedding, the couple will construct and articulate how they feel about each other, which I think has very little to do with what a wedding ceremony should be about. A wedding ceremony is about the making of vows and about a community pledging to help a couple in keeping their vows and to them accountable for those vows.
So the point that I’m trying to get across to couples in premarital counselling is that they actually don’t know yet what to vow. Because the feelings that they have for each other right now are good and important, but what they’re committing to are a whole series of life directions that they can’t anticipate at all.
Source: Five Questions with Family Studies: Russell Moore on Marriage, Family Life, and the Church by Alyssa ElHage