Successful Marriage

Loose to Win

A win-win solution is desired in every situation. From business deals to relationships. To get there requires compromise, a process in which parties must be ready to give up some of their so-called non-negotiables in order to move closer to a mutually agreed settlement or solution. In that sense, lose-lose is the only outcome of a compromise. No one wins in a compromise except the relationship, which is what matters most, right?

That’s how it is in a marital relationship. You have to lose to win or, in the words of Dr John Gottman, “yield to win”.

Yield-to-win is not a method of conflict resolution. It is a skill and an attitude at the same time that will make conflicts easier to manage. It is a willingness to be influenced by your partner and there by showing respect and honour to your partner.

Men more than women, have difficulties accepting their partner’s influence. That’s because they perceive it as giving up power and are unwilling to do so. If only they knew that they would be more happily married if they did.

Many husbands are already living by the axiom “A happy wife is a happy life” without knowing why it actually works. It works because by yielding the marriage wins. By yielding he is sharing power with his partner, which is the more preferred style for younger couples.

Yield to win is Principle # 4 of the 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work. Contact me to learn more about this Principle and the other six.

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